Cuz Baby Tonight-Chapter 11

Anjali wondered where Rahul was after the dance he had completely disappeared.She couldn’t help but feel worried and insecure.There was something in Rahul’s eye that disturbed her,troubled her but yet she didn’t know what that was or the reason behind it.

The gate opened and she saw some of Rahul’s friends from Australia entering the lounge.She suddenly felt very nervous she had never met them she had just seen their pictures on Facebook.She wished Rahul was there with her as she knew for that they didn’t know that Rahul was getting married to her.

One of Rahul friend’s-Where’s Rahul?

Kanika-Hey..i think he is over there in the corner

Another friend of Rahul’s-What’s he doing there?

Kanika-I think Trisha is there

Rahul’s friend-No wonder he is there(All of his friends start laughing)

Rahul’s friend-I wonder what the bride and groom are doing all alone in the corner

Anjali could feel her cheeks redden with embarrassment and humiliation.

Kanika-Uh guys,Rahul’s bride is Anjali(pointing to her) not Trisha

There was an uncomfortable and awkward moment of silence .Rahul’s friends were looking at each other bewildered that Rahul and Trisha were not getting married

Rahul’s friend(Rohan)-Oh we are so sorry Anjali when we heard that Rahul was getting married to uh..Trisha

Anjali(with a forced smile)-Its absolutely fine.Don’t worry.Hi I am Anjali

Rohan-Congratulations

Rahul and Trisha entered the scene.Rahul’s expression almost frantic and Trisha’s eye were red from all the crying.As soon as she saw their old friends from Australia her lips turned into a genuine smile

Trisha-Well Well Well..look what the wind blew in

Rohan-Look Look Look..what the cat dragged in

Trisha-Rohan and company

Rohan-Trisha Modi

Trisha laughed and  hearing her laugh Rahul’s frown turned into a smile.

Trisha gave a side-hug to Rohan .

It almost felt like a reunion to Rahul.Rahul,Trisha and Rohan and company(which included Sid,Naman,Jesse and Arjun).

Rahul –Everybody this is Anjali and Anjali this is everybody.

Rohan rolling his eyes-Hi I am Rohan,this is Sid,Naman,Jesse and Arjun(pointing to each one of them)

Trisha-It was so good to meet you all after so long but I need to go

Rohan-Aww Trish we just came you cant leave

Arjun-Yup.Trish-Pish you cant leave

Trisha-Firstly,Arjun stop calling me Trish-Pish or Trishy-Pishy .Secondly,grow up and thirdly,I really need to go

.

Trisha-Good bye guys

Anjali could feel Rahul tense beside her.She looked up at him and saw his jaw muscles clenched his hands stretched out as if to stop Trisha .His eyes and face contorted with pain

Rohan knew why Trisha was leaving it was so obvious she loved Rahul-Ok then By(He was interrupted by a frantically waving Kanika who as usual had some plan up her sleeve)Trish you cant go.You are my date for tonight and  you cant just ditch me

Trisha-Since when I am your date?

Rohan-Since now

Anjali felt a surge of irritation towards Trisha.she didn’t want to but she couldn’t help it.If she wants to go then why doesn’t she go?

Kanika-Bro since you are the “Man” tonight why don’t you start the Karaoke?

Rahul-Fine.

He climbed up the stage.The DJ gave a thumbs up sign to Kanika.

Dj-Sing the song that comes on the screen and dance with the person who you relate the song with.

Rahul read the name of the song on the screen and ofcourse it reminded him of Trisha .

Anjali looked at him, her cheeks red with anticipation . Her hands were already stretched out  as she was sure that Rahul will asks her for a dance. To her utmost shock Rahul didn’t even look in her direction . He just walked towards Trisha . Anjali’s heart broke . It was like Trisha had some unexplainable hold on Rahul . She saw the surprise and embarrassment on Trisha’s face . She remembered Rohan’s words  Oh we are so sorry Anjali when we heard that Rahul was getting married to uh..Trisha

Was some thing going on between Rahul and Trisha but Rahul was not a person who would cheat on his partner . But then, boys are boys . Or maybe they had some thing in the past and it looked like their flame was still burning . When Rahul and Trisha looked at each other even strangers can feel the love . She felt unwanted in her own party . She didn’t want to create a scene so she chose not to interrupt Rahul and Trisha . A lump formed in her throat as she remembered the song lyrics . The song spoke of regret . Regret of leaving the partner . Could Rahul possibly be regretting the fact that he left Trisha ?

She didn’t even know if Rahul and Trisha shared  some thing .

Rohan-You are going to hell . I hope you know that Kanu

Kanika groaned “ I know I know .I am a horrible person for hurting Anjali but I just cant stand and watch 3 lives getting ruined . You and me perfectly know that Anjali and Rahul will never be happy together”

Rohan-Can’t you atleast think of a better method

Kanika(biting her lips )-Unfortunately I can’t.

Kanika( this time her tone was soft )-Are you I mean when are you going back to Australia ?

Rohan turned towards her ,resting his elbows on the bar-I don’t think I am

Her heart erupted with joy-Really you are not ?( she realized that she was practically screaming with joy. She changed her tone to a casual one) Oh I mean you are not . Why any special reason ?

Rohan smiled at her obvious euphoria . Her smile tugging the strings of his heart –Yes I have a very special reason ( he leaned in and whispered in her ears) the reason is you.

Kanika –What?

Rohan-I am not leaving because you are here

Kanika blushed –Hmm

Rohan-I tell you I am leaving Australia for you and you say hmm . Great,  absolutely great Kanika. Aren’t you the greatest conversationalist in the world . Hmph and she calls herself an English graduate ( he muttered under his breathe )

Kanika-What did you say ?(she looked at him suspiciously but he just shook his head )I don’t know what to say(a strange mix of confusion and happiness lines her voice)You already know how I feel about you( she said shyly Rohan gave a smug yet soft smile) .  Now shut up let me look at RaTri . They look gorgeous together,don’t they ?

Rohan-Yes they do just like us .

Kanika smiled at him and put her arms around his wait  leaning her head on his chest as she looked at her brother and the love of his life dance to the song which defined their situation . This was her perfect moment .  She glanced at Anjali  who was struggling to hold back her tears.

 (The song Begins)

This time, This place
Misused, Mistakes
Too long, Too late
Who was I to make you wait
Just one chance
Just one breath
Just in case there’s just one left
Cause you know,
you know, you know

Trisha looked at him completely bewildered as he walked past Anjali,towards her . She took a step back . “May I ?” he asked softly and even though she didn’t want to she held his outstretched arm . Inspite oh herself she felt a blush on her cheeks when after years Rahul held her wait as they danced . The lyrics of the song made her look at Rahul as he sang the song with a meaningful look in his eye.

That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you’ll be with me
and you’ll never go
Stop breathing if
I don’t see you anymore
Â
On my knees, I’ll ask

She glanced around and saw Kanika and Rohan talking to each other . She smiled finally the two of them are together . Rahul looked at Anjali’s horrified face as guilt punched him where it hurt the most. Oh my god what am I doing ?What is wrong with me ?How could I have over looked Anjie ?.

Last chance for one last dance
Cause with you, I’d withstand
All of hell to hold your hand
I’d give it all
I’d give for us
Give anything but I won’t give up
Cause you know,
you know, you know

That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you’ll be with me
and you’ll never go
Stop breathing if
I don’t see you anymore
Â
So far awaY(2)
Been far away for far too long
So far away(2)
Been far away for far too long
But you know, you know, you know

I wanted
I wanted you to stay
˜Cause I needed
I need to hear you say
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I forgive you
For being away for far too long
So keep breathing

Rahul and Trisha both knew why Rahul thought of Trisha when the song played . Flashes of the night when Trisha had waited for Rahul to return to the apartment played infront of their eyes. She had waited and waited but he hadn’t returned to stop her from leaving . Rahul had always regretted not stopping her .He wanted her to stay with him forever. As the song progressed they forgot about the watching crowd,both of them lost in the song and the memories that the song awakened.

˜Cause I am not leaving
Hold on to me and
never let me go

Cuz Baby Tonight-Chapter 10

As soon as the song ended Rahul excused himself and went to search for Trisha

He found out standing in the corner .A glass of scotch in her and tears on her face,her eyes closed.His heart ached to see her like that.

He went up to her and quietly said-I am Sorry

She opened her eyes and said-For?

Rahul-You know for what Trisha.For hurting you always without meaning to

Trisha-Its not your fault.It’s mine I came over here even though I knew it would hurt me.(Taking short breaths) I thought that I could do it.(her voice breaking.Rahul moved forward and held her gently)I thought that I could really do it..see you with Anjali,see you getting married to her.(She let out a slow sob as she held Rahul tighter her hands clutching at his shirt,his hands automatically reaching to comfort her)I can’t Rahul I can’t watch my dreams fall anymore .I am tired…ti.red…of all thi..s pain you know?D..on’t get me wrong Rahul I am very happy for you .Happy that you have finally found the one you love,the one you want to be with it,your soulmate but I cant help be sad that I am not that girl.It hurts me that while you are my soulmate I cant be yours.It hurts that while I haven’t been able to move on and you have.It breaks my heart Rahul that we are not meant for each other.

Rahul could feel his own eyes getting wet.He held Trisha tighter.Her sobs were making her shiver.He had managed to do the impossible.He had managed to shatter Trisha’s hopes and dreams.The dreams and hopes she had lived on since she was 11.She had loved him unrequitedly and unconditionally since she knew what was love.

Rahul-Trisha never let go of your hopes;your dreams.

Trisha-My dream is now some one else’s dream.

Rahul-Some body’s dream shouldn’t let you go of your own dreams.

Trisha-I am sorry for spoiling your party.I was anyways just leaving.

Rahul-No.Don’t go..please

Trisha-Rahul,I hope you know that I didn’t come to this party to make you feel guilty.

Rahul-I know Trish.

Trisha smiled as after a year Rahul called her Trish

Rahul-Trish.Please stay

Trisha-No Rahul it’s best that I leave.So I guess it’s goodbye(a lump forming in her throat)

Rahul-No.No..No.Just because I am getting married that doesn’t mean that we cant be friends

Trisha-Friends?Rahul that’s the problem .I am not as great as everyone thinks I am .I cannot even stand seeing you two together how will I be able to see you both after you get married

Rahul(His heart breaking.He didn’t want her to go but he didn’t know how to stop her either.He loved her but he didn’t know how to tell her that without sounding like an absolute jerk.He wanted to be with her but he didn’t know how to do that without breaking Anjali’s heart)-I don’t want you to go Trish.

Trisha-Please Rahul don’t start this now.Please

Anjali wondered where Rahul was after the dance he had completely disappeared.She couldn’t help but feel worried and insecure.There was something in Rahul’s eye that disturbed her,troubled her but yet she didn’t know what that was or the reason behind it.

The gate opened and she saw some of Rahul’s friends from Australia entering the lounge.She suddenly felt very nervous she had never met them she had just seen their pictures on Facebook.She wished Rahul was there with her as she knew for that they didn’t know that Rahul was getting married to her.

One of Rahul friend’s-Where’s Rahul?

Kanika-Hey..i think he is over there in the corner

Another friend of Rahul’s-What’s he doing there?

Kanika-I think Trisha is there

Rahul’s friend-No wonder he is there(All of his friends start laughing)

Rahul’s friend-I wonder what the bride and groom are doing all alone 

Cuz Baby Tonight-Chapter 9

In The lounge:

Kanika-You know which song to play first right?

Dj-Yes.

Kanika-Good.Thank You

Dj-Can we have the groom and his beautiful bride on the stage please

Rahul looked at Trisha whose lips were in a forced smile.

Anjali pulled him to the dance floor

As the song played Trisha’s heart was crippled by pain as she recognized the song.The feeling of being replaced by some one always over whelms a person.That feeling filled Trisha completely as she saw Rahul and Trisha dance on Book Of Love.She could feel Rahul’s gaze on her.His eyes unreadable .

Fresh tears tears formed in her eyes.Six years ago,she had danced for the first time with Rahul as a “couple” on that very song.It had become “their song”The song they made a point to dance everyday at their anniversary.The song which filled Trisha’s heart with joy now filled her heart with pain.

She ran away from there.

Anjali followed Rahul’s eyes to the place where Trisha had stood just a moment ago.She looked into his eyes.His eyes were distressed and she thought she had seen traces of pain too.She brushed those thoughts aside.Its the party of their engagement why will he be in pain ? She wondered.She raise her eyes questioningly when Rahul finally locked his eyes with her.He shook his head and gave a small smile.Throughout the dance he kept searching for some one,some thing.His eyes now remorseful.It almost felt like if he had the chance he would leave her and go.The thought made her hold Rahul tighter than ever.

Anjali-Rahul,are you ok?

Rahul-Yeah..why will I not be fine?

Choosing to ignore her doubts she rested her head on his chest.

Rahul felt like a jerk,once again.He was so sure that he loved Anjali and that he had gotten over Trisha.But when he saw Trisha today he could no longer deny the feelings hid in his heart.When Trisha ran out of the lounge tears streaming down her face he felt the urge to reach out and to her comfort her.He almost did but that was when he remembered that he was dancing with Anjali,his fiancée,at their engagement party.He loved Anjali maybe not in the way he loved Trisha but he did love her,and it was that love that held him from running away from the dance floor to Trisha.

Cuz Baby Tonight-Chapter 8

He ran to door and pulled it open ready to shout but what he saw filled him with sadness and fear.Trisha was standing at the door crying hysterically .She was trying to say something but her crying made her incoherent.She finally lost all her strength and was about to fall when Rahul held her and pulled her to his arms.

Rahul-Shh!Trisha !Baby(cupping her face,his voice soothing)What happened?

Trisha-S..a..m..

Rahul-What happened to Sam?

Trisha-I..i ..we..nt to his apartment to stay but when I entered I found him ..(her sobs grew luder and she clutched Rahul)I found lying on the floor and a bottle of sleeping pills in his hand

Rhul hugged her tighter-How is he?Trisha-He..

She fainted but Rahul knew the answer.

Back to present:

Trisha finally averted her eyes from Rahul’s.

Rahul-Hi Trisha!I love your dress too.

She forced a smile-“Thank You Rahul”

Rahul smiled he loved the way she said his name.

Rahul”How are you?Its been a really long time since we met or talked”

Trisha-“Hmm..its been one or two years.I am fine .(at that moment Anjali joins them)Congratulations to you both.”

Rahul’s smile faded.He couldn’t understand why she had to come.He knew it was killing her.

Anjali-Thank You*linking her arms with Rahul)

Trisha-Excuse me.(she lowered her voice so only Kanika could hear)while I go and puke..

Kanika smirked.Rahul looked questioningly at her.She shaked her head.

Kanika liked Anjali but she was no Trisha.Her oaf of an brother loved Trisha but he was still marrying Anjali because of his ego that Trisha had wounded.Trisha loved  Rahul but she thought he loved Anjali and she didn’t want her love to come in between.Typical RaTri(that was the name Kanika had invented for them while they were going around).It was time to play Cupid!

Trisha stood at the bar looking at the “IT”couple of the moment

Kanika- having a good time?

Trisha-Oh absolutely.Nothing like watching the person you love with his trophy fiancée.

Kanika rolls her eyes-Then why did you come?

Trisha-Because I had too see it to believe it

Kanika-Believe what?

Trisha-Believe that he is going to marry some one else.Anyways I need a drink.

Kanika-Tell him you love him

Trisha-No.I don’t want him to feel like he’s breaking  my heart

After some-time

Kanika-Bro

Rahul-Behna

Kanika-This aprty is getting boring..lets go to the lounge nearby.It has karaoke and soft music my head is spinning due to this cacophony of rock music

Rahul-You do realize its my wedding party I just cant shift it

Kanika-Please Bhaiyya(giving him an innocent distressed look)

Rahul-ok!fine..only if you tell me what Trisha told you

Kanika-When?

Rahul-when Anjali joined us

Kanika-Oh!she said “Excuse me while I go and puke”

Rahul laughed-So Trisha to say that.

Kanika-She loves you..you know?

Rahul-I don’t know

Kanika-She does..It’s killing her to be here to see you with Anjali but she’s still here as she knows that it will mean a lot for you if she’s here

Rahul(Drinking his beer in one go)-Let’s go to the lounge.

Cuz Baby Tonight-Chapter 7

In those rare day,Rahul and Trisha fought,Rahul generally stormed out of their apartment and Trisha would sit in the corner of her room with her knees pulled up to her chest and her hands encircled around her knees.So when Rahul entered the apartment he went straight to Trisha's room.But to his surprise..Trisha was not in her room nor was she  in the apartment.He was beginning to get worried.Rahul saw a letter on Trisha's bed .Instinctively he opened her cupboards and sure enough it was empty he frantically searched all the drawers and they all were empty too.He tore open the envelope and inhaled the smell of Trisha's perfume .Trisha always sprayed her envelopes and letter pads with her favorite perfume.

Rahul,

I am so sorry I left without telling you.I Love You Rahul and that's why I had to leave.I am not strong enough to stay here in this apartment,where we have so many memories,after our breakup and I am sorry for that.I waited for you but you never came. It was not meant to end like this ,was it?It wasn't supposed to be our last anniversary but it is our last one.The time we spent together is the time I will cherish for the rest of my life.If we are meant to be Rahul,I know that we are I still feel it we will end up together someday sometime when fate wants us to but I don't think we are supposed to be together right now. .I tried to make our relationship strong and build up the trust every relationship needs but I evidently failed. I tried hard Rahul,I really did,I don't know where I went wrong and what was the mistake I made.It hurts that I could never get you to trust me.Someone once said that there can be no true love without trust and I agree.You trust only those whom you love.You trust only those who you know love you and wont hurt you.It breaks my heart Rahul that even after all these years you still didn't trust me or believe in my love for you.Thats why I broke up with you,because I cant stay with some body who doesn't trust me and will be suspicious of my every move;I cant stay with somebody who even after 5 years doesn't believe in me or in my love.I am Sorry Rahul.

Love You,

Trisha

P.s-I know it doesn't make any sense,but it was important for me and for you to know why I broke up.Maybe some would this a stupid reason to break up however for me trust is important and maybe you will tell me that you do trust me but you sure have got a funny way to show it.Bye Rahul..take care of yourself and the apartment .I know you already know where I am going but please dont try and contact me atleast for a few days.Sorry.

The paper fell out of Rahuls hands .His legs gave away and he fell on the floor.He pulled his knees to his chest and his arms around his knees and his head on his arms.He cried like he had never cried before.His sobs shook his body.He had never wanted for her to feel unwanted or unloved as he loved her  and he wanted her more than wanted he needed her.How could he have been so stupid?so insensitive?

Hoo jo bhi mila, woh kho gaya
Tujhko pataa hai aisa hi sadaa hota hai
Jaana hi tha woh jo gaya, dil tu akela aise kyun bhala rota hai

He made the one girl who loved him with all her heart unloved and unwanted.What can be worse than that?Surely nothing.It was in his nature to get insecure easily.He had never felt he deserved Trisha's unconditional love.So he had always felt that someday Trisha would move on to a better guy.His insecurity had only worsened .He knew he was overreacting but still he couldn't stop worrying about Trisha and Sam.His intention was never to hurt Trisha or drive away Trisha.It just happened.

His sobs  only seemed to get worse .He hated himself for hurting Trisha.He felt even worse that Trisha was blaming herself for all this.

Before he could think more about this the bell rang .He went to the washroom to wash his face.The person who was at the door was beginning to annoy him .The bell had rung 10 times in 30 seconds.

Rahul(yelling)-I am coming!Give me a second!

He ran to door and pulled it open ready to shout but what he saw filled him with sadness and fear.Trisha was standing at the door crying hysterically .She was trying to say something but her crying made her incoherent.She finally lost all her strength and was about to fall when Rahul held her and pulled her to his arms.

Cuz Baby Tonigh-Chapter 6

Rahul-She is my friend why will she lie to me?

Trisha-And I am not your anything right?that’s why I will cheat on you and lie to you.This hurts much more than you doubting me…you believe Michelle and not me.

Rahul-That’s not what I meant

Trisha-That’s exactly what you meant

She ran to her apartment which was just a few blocks away tears streaming down her face .Her heart breaking with a deafening sound and numbing pain.

As soon as she reached their apartment she tore the present she had made for Rahul into a thousand pieces just like her heart  .

She packed her bags and left the apartment leaving a letter for Rahul.

She met Michelle in the staircase she stopped and gave her an angelic smile

Trisha-You Bitch

She slapped Michelle hard on her smug face and left.

He didn’t know the reason why he didn’t follow her to their apartment

He was too shocked to think about anything.He had roamed in the streets of Surfer’s Paradise, Gold Coast  for ages not knowing what to do.He knew what he did was wrong and he shouldn’t have mistrusted Trisha;The girl who had loved him since she was 11 .The girl who had never dated anyone else even when they were not together because she loved him even when he didn’t.He felt like kicking himself hard.Most people in the world spend their entire life waiting/searching for some one who loves them with all their heart without any selfish reason he had a person who loved him in the most selfless way possible and he hurt her ,he made her cry.He was a perfect arse.He reached the beach .He sat on the sand remembering all the moment  he and Trisha shared on this  beach.It broke his heart to think that they may not be the couple they used to be and it was all his fault.At sunrise he finally decided to go back to the apartment

Cuz Baby Tonight The DJ Got Us Falling In Love Again-Chapter 5

She saw him waiting on of the table.He looked a tad bit irritated as she was (checks her watch)1 our later.

Trisha-I am so sorry baby!

All signs of boredom and irritation left his face and only a smile was left.A smile that made Trisha’s heart stop for a moment.A smile only for her.

He let out a slow whistle she winked and twirled showing off the dress and shoes.

Rahul-Wow!

Trisha’s smile broadened .He pulled her into his arms and she gave hima small peck.

Rahul(softly whispering into her ears)-Happy anniversary .I love You!

You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen .

Trisha’s blush deepened and she whispered back-Happy Anniversary to you too.I love you more than you can imagine.

Rahul-So where’s my gift?

Trisha-At home.It’s nothing compared to your gift though

Rahul-You brought it na?

Trisha-No

Rahul-You made it?

Trisha nodded

Rahul-Then it’s definitely better than my gift.I cannot wait to see it.What is it?

Trisha-You will see.Right now let’s eat as I am starving.

Trisha(her eyes closed as she savored her favorite dessert Mud cake)  -Oh My Gosh!this is heavenly

Rahul laughed and wiped the chocolate sauce from the corners of her lips.

Rahul-I know you are enjoying the cake but your cell is ringing since te past 5 minutes

Trisha-What?Oh sorry!

She picked up her phone

Trisha-Hey Sam..What’s up?

Rahul’s smile turned into a frown

Trisha-Sam don’t  irritate me I am out ..Bye!

(After Trisha switches off her mobile)

Rahul-Was That Sameer?

Trisha(smiling)-Yeah!

Rahul-Is he the reason you stay so late in office every night?

Trisha(raising her eyebrows)-Excuse Me?

Rahul-Is something going on between you two?

Trisha-How could you even think that?

Rahul-I have my reasons you spend so much of time with him and you are so close to him

Trisha-I cannot believe you Rahul.On our 5^th anniversary you are asking me if I am cheating on you?(Rahul was about to interrupt her but she stopped him)I have loved you since I was 11 years old.I loved you when you didn’t love me back.I held onto you for all these years because I knew we would be together someday I waited for you for 8 years and you are still questioning my ability to remain faithful?Do you even know  how hard it is to love someone who doesn’t love you back?Do you know how much it makes your heart aches?But I still never moved on from you because I believed in us and you are asking me if I am cheating on you?(tears running down her cheeks)and I have had enough of your inability to trust me Rahul.I am tired.Sam is a friend who is going through a tough time if I wont be there for him who will?When you spied on me and Sam I did not tell you anything when you questioned me about this the first time I kept quiet but Rahul this is the 100^th  time you are asking me and I am so fed up .You know what(choking back a sob as a lump formed in her throat)Love is important in a relationship but it is not the only thing …trust is also a very big part of a relationship and if our relationship doesn’t have that then I don’t want to be in it.(She gets up from her chair .Rahul tried to stop her by holding her hand..tears streaming down both their faces)Come back to me when you can trust me.(her heart was breaking but she knew what she was doing was correct)

She ran out of the restaurant her heart wrenching ..Rahul ran after her.

Rahul-Trisha I am so sorry for doubting you I Love You

Trisha stopped-Don’t say that!please don’t say that

Rahul-Michelle told me that she saw you and Sam together in each

Trisha-That’s enough Rahul..and seriously Michelle?you believe her and not me?

Rahul-She is my friend why will she lie to me?

I could feel a hot one taking me down
For a moment, I could feel the force
Veiny to the point of tears
And you were holding on to make a point
What's the point?